http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhmo5wdKRYo
LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson
Author, Blogger
Website: www.lajefferson.com
My Blogs:
All Things Love @ http://all-things-love.blogspot.com
Naturally L.A. @ http://naturallyla.wordpress.com
Follow me on Twitter @lajefferson
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Friday, December 19, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Happy Mother's Day
Mother's Day weekend was far too busy to get any writing done. Saturday was a whirlwind of activities: sorority meeting, shopping for myself and my mom--I bought my mom a Belgian waffle maker and added two more charms to my Pandora bracelet I got for an early Mother's Day present--took my son to his friend's birthday party, and then attended my cousin's college graduation party.
Sunday was early service at church with a couple of extra children (my niece & 2 nephews, along with my son).
Me, my sister, my niecey pooh, and
My mom.
Me and my two children
My son and my two nephews
All the running around I did between those two days wore me out. I actually had to take a nap on Sunday just so that I could watch the season finale of Revenge.
Nevertheless, writing was not far from my mind. At the close of my writing session on Friday, the romantic words I had been looking for on a scene I was working on finally appeared in my head. I held on to them all weekend until Monday morning until I could get back to my document. Let me tell you, opening that document was like watching the sun breakthrough a sea of dark clouds--refreshing.
Now that I've honored my mom and been honored as a mom, it's time to get back to business...
L.A.
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
March Writing Challenge
I swear I'm experiencing dejavu! Seems like I just had one these writing challenges of mine. But I'm going to keep on keeping on until I GET IT DONE!
If I keep up with the determination and discipline of the past couple of days, I will! Practice makes perfect and education is power!
I learned a few things since the last challenge. First, it's not enough to write everday. You have to write everyday with PURPOSE! While blogging is fun and fantastic--at least I think so--if that's not the purposed project then that writing doesn't count--unless, of course, your goal is blogging.
Because I'm writing a novel and I blog regularly, I need to develop a schedule AND actually adhere to it. With the way that blog ideas appear so randomly in my head, therein lies the challenge!
Anyway, in the spirit of National Book Reading Month, I'm doing a couple of key things:
1. Increasing my daily word count goal from 250 to 1000!
2. Finish first draft of novel by 3/31!
If I meet the 1000 word challenge, I'll be done with the draft! Wish me luck!
Follow on twitter #lawritingchallenge
If I keep up with the determination and discipline of the past couple of days, I will! Practice makes perfect and education is power!
I learned a few things since the last challenge. First, it's not enough to write everday. You have to write everyday with PURPOSE! While blogging is fun and fantastic--at least I think so--if that's not the purposed project then that writing doesn't count--unless, of course, your goal is blogging.
Because I'm writing a novel and I blog regularly, I need to develop a schedule AND actually adhere to it. With the way that blog ideas appear so randomly in my head, therein lies the challenge!
Anyway, in the spirit of National Book Reading Month, I'm doing a couple of key things:
1. Increasing my daily word count goal from 250 to 1000!
2. Finish first draft of novel by 3/31!
If I meet the 1000 word challenge, I'll be done with the draft! Wish me luck!
Follow on twitter #lawritingchallenge
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Book Pause--Literary Lesson
When I was writing my first book, Unfinished Business, I avoided reading fiction novels. For starters, I didn't want to unconsciously infuse the other book's storyline into my storyline or borrow scenes, and such. Is that form of plagiarism? Probably not, but I try to be remain ethical in everything that I do. Don't want to jinx my success, you know. Secondly, since I struggled seriously with finding time to write, I'd be plaques BIG time with guilt for reading a book when I needed to be finishing writing one!
However, as I'm working on my second novel--a spinoff of the first, I've changed my position on this matter. As a writer it's important to read a lot. Right! I'm sure we all agree on that. Just the same, as writers, we need to write a lot! Duh, right?
There's only one way to accomplish this, I've finally realized. Do them simultaneously. When I tried this recently, I benefited significantly from
reading the great writing of one of my favorite authors, Sandra Brown. First off, the story, French Silk, was awesome, one of the best suspense stories I've read in awhile. The story was set in New Orleans. By the time I finished the story, I felt like I'd visited the culturally rich city. that I expected anything less from Sandra Brown.
Anyway, back to the story. Reading Sandra Brown's vividly described scenes, realistic characters, and her showing of the story rather than telling were both exciting and inspirational. My excitement as a reader is obvious. As a writer, I was excited because I was reminded of what my own writing needed. After I finished the book, I wanted to describe the kind of jewelry my protagonist wears, what hair accessories she likes, what brand of weave she likes. I'm excited about showing how her disgust for the way her mothers loose ways during her upbringing plays into her eventual resolution to her own loose ways.
See the double benefit? How do you balance your writing and reading life? Do you only when you're not writing? Or do you do a little of both like I did?
However, as I'm working on my second novel--a spinoff of the first, I've changed my position on this matter. As a writer it's important to read a lot. Right! I'm sure we all agree on that. Just the same, as writers, we need to write a lot! Duh, right?
There's only one way to accomplish this, I've finally realized. Do them simultaneously. When I tried this recently, I benefited significantly from
reading the great writing of one of my favorite authors, Sandra Brown. First off, the story, French Silk, was awesome, one of the best suspense stories I've read in awhile. The story was set in New Orleans. By the time I finished the story, I felt like I'd visited the culturally rich city. that I expected anything less from Sandra Brown.
Anyway, back to the story. Reading Sandra Brown's vividly described scenes, realistic characters, and her showing of the story rather than telling were both exciting and inspirational. My excitement as a reader is obvious. As a writer, I was excited because I was reminded of what my own writing needed. After I finished the book, I wanted to describe the kind of jewelry my protagonist wears, what hair accessories she likes, what brand of weave she likes. I'm excited about showing how her disgust for the way her mothers loose ways during her upbringing plays into her eventual resolution to her own loose ways.
See the double benefit? How do you balance your writing and reading life? Do you only when you're not writing? Or do you do a little of both like I did?
Monday, August 13, 2012
When to Move On--A Literary Lesson
The numbers recorded on my word log for my upcoming novel over the last few weeks have been pretty dismal: 85, 288, 27, 280, 91, 41, 21--to give a few examples. And these don't even reflect the days when I didn't write anything!
As if that's not enough to be down in the dumps about, do I dare share with my literary friends that this minuscule effort has been on one friggin' scene!
I know. I know. Stop yelling at me! In my five plus years as an author I know better than to have spent this considerable amount of time on the same scene. I should have moved on days ago against the pull of the literary devil to stay lost in a scene that obviously wasn't working or isn't meant to be--at least not right now.
Make sure you don't fall into this form of writers block by, first, planning your scene thoroughly before you begin writing, and, second, don't be afraid to leave a scene unfinished. Perfect time to use the bookmark feature of Microsoft Word. When you're ready you don't even have to search for the page where the scene is housed--just search your bookmark and click. Its also convenient if you decide to delete the scene all together.
Finally, at the start of this week, I've moved on to something else and the writing has been going well, although that unfinished scene is not far from my mind. Lol.
How do you handle these types of moments in your writing? Do you fight with the scene like I was doing until you get it right? Or do you ditch it immediately?
Respond below.
As if that's not enough to be down in the dumps about, do I dare share with my literary friends that this minuscule effort has been on one friggin' scene!
I know. I know. Stop yelling at me! In my five plus years as an author I know better than to have spent this considerable amount of time on the same scene. I should have moved on days ago against the pull of the literary devil to stay lost in a scene that obviously wasn't working or isn't meant to be--at least not right now.
Make sure you don't fall into this form of writers block by, first, planning your scene thoroughly before you begin writing, and, second, don't be afraid to leave a scene unfinished. Perfect time to use the bookmark feature of Microsoft Word. When you're ready you don't even have to search for the page where the scene is housed--just search your bookmark and click. Its also convenient if you decide to delete the scene all together.
Finally, at the start of this week, I've moved on to something else and the writing has been going well, although that unfinished scene is not far from my mind. Lol.
How do you handle these types of moments in your writing? Do you fight with the scene like I was doing until you get it right? Or do you ditch it immediately?
Respond below.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Another One Bites the Dust
Oops I did it again..." Unfortunately, not whatever Britanny Spears was talking about in her smash hit in the late 90's. Rather, it seems, I've made another petty thief happy in the city. It was a Friday afternoon. If not for my apartment needing extermination, I would have been at work. Anyway when the time came for me and the kids to leave the apartment for a few hours I decided to take them to the carnival on our city's Riverwalk. Not only did we need something to do, but my sister had informed that the event was free until later that evening so I figured this was an opportune time to support the city. Humph.
If only I hadn't already taken my laptop with me to breakfast and the park near my home, it would have been safely at home. Instead, as I'm always trying to find opportunity to write, I'd brought it with me.
So we arrive at the event, park on the street in a pretty decent area-SO I THOUGHT!
It would seem some punks in the city picked the street I parked on to randomly check for unlocked cars to see what they'd luck up on. That day it would be my laptop!
Pure luck for them. Not so much for me. I may have been dumb enough to leave my friggin' doors unlocked but not dumb enough to leave my laptop out in the open. It was tucked under the seat, no cords exposed. But those bums rifled through every place but the trunk of my car.
And yes, I did say this is the second time this had happened--the first time my mom was using my car & my laptop was inside when she left the doors unlocked to run into the corner store. That time was worse because my tote bag WITH my laptop AND flashdrive inside was taken. Everything was lost. Literally. I practically had to start my novel over, which I could use as an excuse for why I'm behind schedule with publication.
Nevertheless, I was able to look on the bright side of things-my car was not damaged in any way nor were me or my children.
Surprisingly I haven't run out to replace my laptop. While lack of available funds play a significant role in that fact, I also have to admit that I don't really make that much progress with my writing on the laptop anyway. Most of my writing happens on my desktop at my day job--on breaks & lunch, of course. I just like the laptop for for occasions of trips to the coffee shop, library, or vacations.
It's safe to say that whenever I do get another laptop, it will always be kept on my person when I take it out of the house. Enough is enough!
When you take your laptops out and about with you, how do you protect it?
If only I hadn't already taken my laptop with me to breakfast and the park near my home, it would have been safely at home. Instead, as I'm always trying to find opportunity to write, I'd brought it with me.
So we arrive at the event, park on the street in a pretty decent area-SO I THOUGHT!
It would seem some punks in the city picked the street I parked on to randomly check for unlocked cars to see what they'd luck up on. That day it would be my laptop!
Pure luck for them. Not so much for me. I may have been dumb enough to leave my friggin' doors unlocked but not dumb enough to leave my laptop out in the open. It was tucked under the seat, no cords exposed. But those bums rifled through every place but the trunk of my car.
And yes, I did say this is the second time this had happened--the first time my mom was using my car & my laptop was inside when she left the doors unlocked to run into the corner store. That time was worse because my tote bag WITH my laptop AND flashdrive inside was taken. Everything was lost. Literally. I practically had to start my novel over, which I could use as an excuse for why I'm behind schedule with publication.
Nevertheless, I was able to look on the bright side of things-my car was not damaged in any way nor were me or my children.
Surprisingly I haven't run out to replace my laptop. While lack of available funds play a significant role in that fact, I also have to admit that I don't really make that much progress with my writing on the laptop anyway. Most of my writing happens on my desktop at my day job--on breaks & lunch, of course. I just like the laptop for for occasions of trips to the coffee shop, library, or vacations.
It's safe to say that whenever I do get another laptop, it will always be kept on my person when I take it out of the house. Enough is enough!
When you take your laptops out and about with you, how do you protect it?
Friday, June 29, 2012
Writing Distractions: Making Them Work for You!
> I was off to a great start this morning. Had an awesome night with my honey. Was up and attem' this morning, looking forward to the day ahead. Of course that included hitting my writing objective of 250 words in my current novel in progress.
>
> My butt hadn't even gotten settled in my chair, let alone my coffee cooled down enough for me to drink before my daughter called.
>
> "Mom!" She whined. "I'm tired of people around eating other peoples stuff!" she said referencing her stepdad and stepsister who have just as much rudeness in common as they do DNA.
>
> I diffused that fire only to have my honey call me complaining about something my son did to his daughter. A heated argument ensued which led to nowhere but an unproductive writing day.
>
> Almost.
>
> After wasting quite a few hours stewing over anger, being totally lost on the novel I was supposed to be writing, it finally dawned on me to let the subject of my anger fuel something productive rather than unproductive.
>
> An article/essay idea was born! I took a deep breath, brought up a blank document and began typing the intro on the subject matter of blended families.
>
> Of course I don't know when I'll finish the article/essay--I'm still working on a description essay about my first cruise vacation that I started a month ago. Still it was better to have started something productive, something that could produce income in the future rather than stressing over life's challenges.
>
> Next time life gets in the way of your creative flow, I encourage you to try writing about it simply for the sake of continuing the craft of WRITING!
>
> LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson
> Author, Writer, Blogger
>
> Website: www.lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> Blogs by me:
>
> L.A.'s Literary Love Life@ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> A Day in the Life of L.A. Jefferson @ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> All Things Love @ http://all-things-love.blogspot.com
>
> Naturally L.A. @ http://naturallyla.wordpress.com
>
> Surviving Work @ http://survivingmydayjob.wordpress.com
>
> Follow me on Twitter @lajefferson
>
>
> My butt hadn't even gotten settled in my chair, let alone my coffee cooled down enough for me to drink before my daughter called.
>
> "Mom!" She whined. "I'm tired of people around eating other peoples stuff!" she said referencing her stepdad and stepsister who have just as much rudeness in common as they do DNA.
>
> I diffused that fire only to have my honey call me complaining about something my son did to his daughter. A heated argument ensued which led to nowhere but an unproductive writing day.
>
> Almost.
>
> After wasting quite a few hours stewing over anger, being totally lost on the novel I was supposed to be writing, it finally dawned on me to let the subject of my anger fuel something productive rather than unproductive.
>
> An article/essay idea was born! I took a deep breath, brought up a blank document and began typing the intro on the subject matter of blended families.
>
> Of course I don't know when I'll finish the article/essay--I'm still working on a description essay about my first cruise vacation that I started a month ago. Still it was better to have started something productive, something that could produce income in the future rather than stressing over life's challenges.
>
> Next time life gets in the way of your creative flow, I encourage you to try writing about it simply for the sake of continuing the craft of WRITING!
>
> LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson
> Author, Writer, Blogger
>
> Website: www.lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> Blogs by me:
>
> L.A.'s Literary Love Life@ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> A Day in the Life of L.A. Jefferson @ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
>
> All Things Love @ http://all-things-love.blogspot.com
>
> Naturally L.A. @ http://naturallyla.wordpress.com
>
> Surviving Work @ http://survivingmydayjob.wordpress.com
>
> Follow me on Twitter @lajefferson
>
Monday, March 12, 2012
Cookies & Milk--My Writing Weekend Reward
Considering I'm participating in two weight loss challenges, cookies and milk was not the best way to reward myself but they were yummy! If you're wondering why I'm rewarding myself, let me tell you. I had a fantastic writing weekend! It all began with the Motown Writers Network monthly meeting. First meeting I've been able to get to all year. Of course, I knew exactly what I'd been missing. Networking! Knowledge! Camaraderie!
We begin every meeting with introductions. Ironically it was because of this that I attended this meeting in particular. After 3 years of being a published author I should be better at this than I am but I'm still a bit withdrawn at times. In the days before the meeting I was admonishing myself to DO BETTER! Honestly, I have more opportunity than I care to admit to telling people about myself and my work that I don't take advantage of. I knew that I couldn't get out of it if attended the meeting because Sylvia Hubbard would have none of that. I absolutely love her!
At this months meeting, there was a presentation by Stephanie Lewis on graphic design and social media for authors. Overwhelming information! I'd be typing forever if I tried to regurgitate the information this young lady provided. Let's just say, I, along with every other author needs to step up our game. Our websites need to be formatted like that of world-renowned best selling authors! We must use social media to our advantage, Tweet and Facebook the RIGHT way to find SUCCESS.
I was so amped up by the discussions with my writing peers, I skipped the trip to the mall that I planned for after the meeting and headed to the coffee shop to finish a chapter I'd been struggling with and get started on the next one! You see, that's a great purpose for belonging to a writer's group! I always leave my buds motivated to step up my game! Can't wait until next month!
LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson
Author, Writer, Blogger
Website: www.lajefferson.com
Blogs by me:
L.A.'s Literary Love Life@ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
A Day in the Life of L.A. Jefferson @ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
All Things Love @ http://all-things-love.blogspot.com
Naturally L.A. @ http://naturallyla.wordpress.com
Surviving Work @ http://survivingmydayjob.wordpress.com
Follow me on Twitter @lajefferson
We begin every meeting with introductions. Ironically it was because of this that I attended this meeting in particular. After 3 years of being a published author I should be better at this than I am but I'm still a bit withdrawn at times. In the days before the meeting I was admonishing myself to DO BETTER! Honestly, I have more opportunity than I care to admit to telling people about myself and my work that I don't take advantage of. I knew that I couldn't get out of it if attended the meeting because Sylvia Hubbard would have none of that. I absolutely love her!
At this months meeting, there was a presentation by Stephanie Lewis on graphic design and social media for authors. Overwhelming information! I'd be typing forever if I tried to regurgitate the information this young lady provided. Let's just say, I, along with every other author needs to step up our game. Our websites need to be formatted like that of world-renowned best selling authors! We must use social media to our advantage, Tweet and Facebook the RIGHT way to find SUCCESS.
I was so amped up by the discussions with my writing peers, I skipped the trip to the mall that I planned for after the meeting and headed to the coffee shop to finish a chapter I'd been struggling with and get started on the next one! You see, that's a great purpose for belonging to a writer's group! I always leave my buds motivated to step up my game! Can't wait until next month!
LaCharmine (L.A.) Jefferson
Author, Writer, Blogger
Website: www.lajefferson.com
Blogs by me:
L.A.'s Literary Love Life@ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
A Day in the Life of L.A. Jefferson @ http://lajefferson.blogspot.com
All Things Love @ http://all-things-love.blogspot.com
Naturally L.A. @ http://naturallyla.wordpress.com
Surviving Work @ http://survivingmydayjob.wordpress.com
Follow me on Twitter @lajefferson
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Don't Beat Yourself up for Missing Deadlines
Here we go again. Another self-imposed deadline quickly approaching and I'm nowhere close to meeting it. Now, it's one of two ways that I can look at this. "LOSER!" I could yell at the reflection in the mirror. But is that really necessary? Am I really a literary loser? Surely, I'm not the only writer/author to miss a deadline, let alone a deadline she set for herself? Heck, I didn't even used to set deadlines! So I've come a mighty long way on this literary journey.
The other way is to simply enjoy the rest of the journey. I still have a whopping 18 days to get even closer to the goal of completing my draft of my latest writing project. And the best part is that I'm not giving up. It's kind of like NaNoWri month. As far as I'm concerned, I have until 11:59 P.M. December 31, 2011 to make this thing happen! Everyday that God blesses me with breath in my body, I'm going to pound some words out of my head onto the work in progress and pray it comes to completion soon.
Point is, don't beat yourself up if you miss your deadline. Embrace the journey. Celebrate what you do accomplishment. And keep going!
The other way is to simply enjoy the rest of the journey. I still have a whopping 18 days to get even closer to the goal of completing my draft of my latest writing project. And the best part is that I'm not giving up. It's kind of like NaNoWri month. As far as I'm concerned, I have until 11:59 P.M. December 31, 2011 to make this thing happen! Everyday that God blesses me with breath in my body, I'm going to pound some words out of my head onto the work in progress and pray it comes to completion soon.
Point is, don't beat yourself up if you miss your deadline. Embrace the journey. Celebrate what you do accomplishment. And keep going!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween
Click here for an excerpt of what's next for L.A.
Friday, July 08, 2011
Writer's Self-Imposed Weekend Timeout
That's right! I'm taking a break from the world of writing this weekend! I really need it, too. For the last couple of months I've really upped my writing game. Constructing & tweaking my book outline, blogging, tweeting, and researching all of the above. Seriously! Just about EVERY night when I'd get home from my day job, I'd open my document on my netbook and type something. And, that's a good thing. A VERY good thing, but it's also pretty darn exhausting! By far, I'm not complaining, but I can just feel it on the inside that it's time for a break.
Over the last few days, I've found myself yearning for some pleasure reading. I've been nastolgic about my time in Hawaii, over 15 yrs ago, when my love for reading was reignited when my mom sent me two historical romance novels by an author who would become one of my favorites Beverly Jenkins , Vivid and Night Song. As clear as the screen before me, I can envision myself laying comfortably on the couch--while my daughter slept soundly or played with her soft blocks--soaking up the history, the romance, and intrigue of those books. Presently, I'm longing for that good 'ole feeling. You know that feeling you get when you read an incredibly well-written, entertaining book! Well, summer reading--this weekend, at least--here I come!
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I'm starting with the long-awaited Secrets of a Soap Opera Diva by Victoria Rowell. I've heard nothing but good stuff about this book and am excited beyond measure to dedicate this weekend to the novel. I absolutely can't wait!
Over the last few days, I've found myself yearning for some pleasure reading. I've been nastolgic about my time in Hawaii, over 15 yrs ago, when my love for reading was reignited when my mom sent me two historical romance novels by an author who would become one of my favorites Beverly Jenkins , Vivid and Night Song. As clear as the screen before me, I can envision myself laying comfortably on the couch--while my daughter slept soundly or played with her soft blocks--soaking up the history, the romance, and intrigue of those books. Presently, I'm longing for that good 'ole feeling. You know that feeling you get when you read an incredibly well-written, entertaining book! Well, summer reading--this weekend, at least--here I come!
I'm starting with the long-awaited Secrets of a Soap Opera Diva by Victoria Rowell. I've heard nothing but good stuff about this book and am excited beyond measure to dedicate this weekend to the novel. I absolutely can't wait!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Blogging Queen
Wow! Talk about going from one extreme to another!!! I can remember as clear as day when I became a member of Motown Writers Network how I would stare quite dumfoundedly as the group's founder, Sylvia Hubbard, would go on and on about the importance of aspiring authors to join the "blogging" community. At that time I was still struggling with finding substantial time to finish writing my first book, Unfinished Business, so you can imagine my frustration! "How am I suppose to find time to write my book and blog?" Not to mention, "What the heck was I going to blog about???"
Fast forward five years. Today I'm blogging more than I'm writing! Good or bad? Honestly, I can't say BUT I do enjoy it. Immensely, in fact! I manage, not one, but a total of four blogs:
http://lajefferson.blogspot.com/ All things literary
http://lifewithlajeff.blogspot.com/ Work/life balance
http://all-things-love.blogspot.com/ Relationships
http://skinnyfatisme.blogspot.com/ Obsession with weight loss
What I love about blogging is that whatever I blog about doesn't have to be an area that I specialize in--just something that I have an interest in. For example, although I'm a published author I do not feel that I'm an expert--yet--in the field of self-publishing. However, I have learned A LOT about it, specifically that it's more than a notion! With the knowledge that have acquired, I can help other aspiring authors by sharing my experiences. Also, I've been married and divorced twice, a single parent much longer than not, but it's not on my agenda to write a book about these subjects. HOWEVER, I certainly have a lot I can say on the subjects! I've LIVED those things. Blogging enables me to be able to add my two cents! So when Sylvia said, "Blog about whatever you want", I took that advice and ran!!!
Blogging provides me with a slightly different gratification than I receive when I complete a large writing project. Instant gratification! Blogging doesn't entail the long process of writing a book. There are no characters to craft, no plot to create, no climax to reach, etc. It's simply a simpler & faster way of connecting and sharing my experiences with other folks--friends, family, fans, and the unknown! Needless to say, I'll be a blogger for life!
Fast forward five years. Today I'm blogging more than I'm writing! Good or bad? Honestly, I can't say BUT I do enjoy it. Immensely, in fact! I manage, not one, but a total of four blogs:
http://lajefferson.blogspot.com/ All things literary
http://lifewithlajeff.blogspot.com/ Work/life balance
http://all-things-love.blogspot.com/ Relationships
http://skinnyfatisme.blogspot.com/ Obsession with weight loss
What I love about blogging is that whatever I blog about doesn't have to be an area that I specialize in--just something that I have an interest in. For example, although I'm a published author I do not feel that I'm an expert--yet--in the field of self-publishing. However, I have learned A LOT about it, specifically that it's more than a notion! With the knowledge that have acquired, I can help other aspiring authors by sharing my experiences. Also, I've been married and divorced twice, a single parent much longer than not, but it's not on my agenda to write a book about these subjects. HOWEVER, I certainly have a lot I can say on the subjects! I've LIVED those things. Blogging enables me to be able to add my two cents! So when Sylvia said, "Blog about whatever you want", I took that advice and ran!!!
Blogging provides me with a slightly different gratification than I receive when I complete a large writing project. Instant gratification! Blogging doesn't entail the long process of writing a book. There are no characters to craft, no plot to create, no climax to reach, etc. It's simply a simpler & faster way of connecting and sharing my experiences with other folks--friends, family, fans, and the unknown! Needless to say, I'll be a blogger for life!
Friday, July 09, 2010
An Impossible Goal...I think NOT!
It's almost been a complete week since I've done any writing on my upcoming novel, but its okay. My confidence is not shaken that I'll complete the first draft by the end of the summer--marked officially as the day after Labor Day (I'm taking every available day). The story is pretty mapped out in my head. It's just a matter of dedicating some MAJOR time to do the writing. Tomorrow will definitely be one of those days. Besides an early morning gym session and a mid-morning writers' group meeting and church on Sunday, I have cleared my schedule for the weekend so I hope to make some SERIOUS progress. I'll post an excerpt of my progress by Monday so be sure to come back.
Til Later, L.A.
Til Later, L.A.
Friday, July 02, 2010
First Things First
I've got to admit, it's kind of cool being called on as a resource. Now that folks know that I'm a published author I get questions all of the time about the "process" and such. Most recently a woman who I met at a book club meeting a few months ago excitedly shared with me that she was in the process of penning her first book. From what she's told me thus far, it's going to be a good one--spiritually revealing. We exchanged numbers before the meeting ended, but we haven't had any contact with each other until she called me a couple of days ago. She shared with me that since she was still unemployed she was filling her days with writing and researching material for her book, but she wanted to get some information from me on the publishing process.
In a nut shell, I advised her of the avenue I took to publish my book, but I also stressed the importance of focusing on completing that first draft. I remember the first effort I made with writing Unfinished Business about 15 years ago. I was really enjoying putting the pieces of the story together, surprising myself with what was going to happen next. Then, years later as I began to realize that I might actually publish this creation of mine my focus took a sharp left turn. Instead of having fun putting the story together, I started getting caught up in the "publishing" factor. Thoughts of rejection from agents, publishers, readers began to get in the way of my writing. As self-publishing began to rise in popularity, I started getting off into understanding that monster, trying to figure out what kind of budget I was working with, who'd design the cover, who'd edit, who'd print, who'd promote and market. It was quite overwhelming & distracting, hence, the length of time it took for me to finally publish my book. Therefore, I'd advise any aspiring writer to get the raw story completed first, then delve into publishing. Don't get caught up in who's going to like your work. First, you have to like it--no, actually love it. Believe me, once you get to the point of publishing, you'll be wishing for the time to do nothing but write :)
In a nut shell, I advised her of the avenue I took to publish my book, but I also stressed the importance of focusing on completing that first draft. I remember the first effort I made with writing Unfinished Business about 15 years ago. I was really enjoying putting the pieces of the story together, surprising myself with what was going to happen next. Then, years later as I began to realize that I might actually publish this creation of mine my focus took a sharp left turn. Instead of having fun putting the story together, I started getting caught up in the "publishing" factor. Thoughts of rejection from agents, publishers, readers began to get in the way of my writing. As self-publishing began to rise in popularity, I started getting off into understanding that monster, trying to figure out what kind of budget I was working with, who'd design the cover, who'd edit, who'd print, who'd promote and market. It was quite overwhelming & distracting, hence, the length of time it took for me to finally publish my book. Therefore, I'd advise any aspiring writer to get the raw story completed first, then delve into publishing. Don't get caught up in who's going to like your work. First, you have to like it--no, actually love it. Believe me, once you get to the point of publishing, you'll be wishing for the time to do nothing but write :)
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Got Another One
Coming up with ideas for books is the best part of being a writer. At the same time, it can also be one of the most frustrating aspects, too. Why? Because the ideas practically fall from the sky. Ideas can sprout from ones own dreams & fantasies--like my story of Unfinished Business, which began from my own desire of reconnecting with an old flame. They can also come from ones real life dramas, such as my upcoming novel, Reconciliation to Hell, which deals with a couple's reconciled marriage that leads them both on a path straight to hell. Then the surrounding world is filled with ideas too! For example, I was watching a clip of Beyonce and her mother on the Today Show. As usual they were talking about their closer than closer mother/daughter relationship, right? Right. Then I began thinking, why doesn't she (Mrs. Knowles, that is) ever speak about the younger Knowles girl, Solange??? Have you ever noticed that? It's always about Beyonce and her mother. NEVER the other sister. Even when they talk about Beyonce's nephew--he's known as Beyonce's nephew NOT Solange's son. If it were me, I'd be pretty ticked about it! So my imagination gets to running...MAYBE Solange is not Mrs. Knowles daughter. Mayber she is the daughter of Matthew Knowles and some other woman. Hmmm. To my knowledge, this fact has not been brought to light, but truth or not, it sparked an idea for me to create a story about it. NOW that story could take many forms. I won't give it away now and I'm not fearful of anyone taking the idea because one story can be told from countless angles. Stay tuned...
L.A. Jefferson, April 2010
L.A. Jefferson, April 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
1st Book Club Discussion of Unfinished Business
Needless to say I was pretty geeked up about the book club discussion of my book, Unfinished Business, on this past Saturday with The Sistas Book Club. In fact I was so geeked up that I couldn't even attend a coworker's birthday party on the night before the book event. I needed a full night's sleep so that I could have all of my barrings about myself. This was, after all, my first time talking to a group of readers of my book in such close proximity. Talk about getting down to the nitty gritty. As an author, the bottom line is the readers, right?
I went to bed and woke up with thoughts of how this event was going to transpire. What was I going to say? Most importantly, what were they going to say? What were they were going to ask me? Would my responses flow like water running from a faucet or be lumpy & bumpy like rocky road ice cream? Believe me, unless you rehearse talking about your book--like my mentor, Sylvia Hubbard, advised me years ago--it is possible to stumble over your responses about your own work. Not because you don't know it through and through, but because of simple nervousness. Anyway, I didn't want that to be me. Even though this would be my first group discussion of my book, I didn't want it to appear that way, you know what I mean?
At the end of the day, I came through with flying colors. I was thrilled that my story was so well-received and created so much fun conversation! An array of topics was broached, including: friends' involvement in friend's relationship decisions, the revolving door factor of relationships, how ones personal atrocities can affect ones career, and can a man be as forgiving as a woman when he's been wronged in the relationship? If I didn't say the discussion was lively, it was!
As much as the book was liked by the book club members, I'd be lying if I said there was no criticism. One woman commented that she would've liked more sex scenes--details, details, details. Honestly, I won't be feeding into that one. I'll leave that for the romance and erotica authors. The most surprising critique by two of the members was that the story started off slow. As the author, I thought I pretty much jumped right into the story. In fact, I wondered if jumping in so quickly was a mistake. But, the harshest criticism one member noted was that she could tell this was a first book, BUT she wants to read more from me. Hmmm. How would you take that? My first inclination was one of negativity, even though it is my first book. However, an author doesn't necessarily want readers to be able to tell it was a first. We want it to appear as though we've been writing for years. But I'll take it for what it's worth--there is room for improvement and I look forward to doing so with my next project.
So, as I continue on my path to literary stardom, I thought it was important to share this first major stepping stone. Hopefully, this will be the first of many book club discussions that I'll be involved in as the feature author.
I went to bed and woke up with thoughts of how this event was going to transpire. What was I going to say? Most importantly, what were they going to say? What were they were going to ask me? Would my responses flow like water running from a faucet or be lumpy & bumpy like rocky road ice cream? Believe me, unless you rehearse talking about your book--like my mentor, Sylvia Hubbard, advised me years ago--it is possible to stumble over your responses about your own work. Not because you don't know it through and through, but because of simple nervousness. Anyway, I didn't want that to be me. Even though this would be my first group discussion of my book, I didn't want it to appear that way, you know what I mean?
At the end of the day, I came through with flying colors. I was thrilled that my story was so well-received and created so much fun conversation! An array of topics was broached, including: friends' involvement in friend's relationship decisions, the revolving door factor of relationships, how ones personal atrocities can affect ones career, and can a man be as forgiving as a woman when he's been wronged in the relationship? If I didn't say the discussion was lively, it was!
As much as the book was liked by the book club members, I'd be lying if I said there was no criticism. One woman commented that she would've liked more sex scenes--details, details, details. Honestly, I won't be feeding into that one. I'll leave that for the romance and erotica authors. The most surprising critique by two of the members was that the story started off slow. As the author, I thought I pretty much jumped right into the story. In fact, I wondered if jumping in so quickly was a mistake. But, the harshest criticism one member noted was that she could tell this was a first book, BUT she wants to read more from me. Hmmm. How would you take that? My first inclination was one of negativity, even though it is my first book. However, an author doesn't necessarily want readers to be able to tell it was a first. We want it to appear as though we've been writing for years. But I'll take it for what it's worth--there is room for improvement and I look forward to doing so with my next project.
So, as I continue on my path to literary stardom, I thought it was important to share this first major stepping stone. Hopefully, this will be the first of many book club discussions that I'll be involved in as the feature author.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
New Year New Plan
Let me first begin with an exuberant Happy New Year!!!
I'm nearly finished with my holiday reading. Only a few more short chapters to go in the Mary Higgins Clark/Carol Higgins Clark holiday mystery book I started the week before Christmas--I just can't read as fast as I used to :(
Anyway, today is a day for writing. It's also the day for the monthly networking with members of my writers group, Motown Writers Network. Since joining the group five years ago, I have always made a point to make it to the first meeting of year--didn't do so good with the rest of the year, but I always started out on the right track. This year, I wanted to do something different. Rather than spending three hours away from my kids sharing with others how I planned to accomplish my writing goals for the year--discussing writing goals is always the subject of the 1st meeting of the year--I decided it was more important to actually DO something in preparation of reaching my goals.
Therefore, on this 2nd Saturday of January, I found a quiet place away from the house, away from my wonderful children, away from general distractions, or so I thought. In hindsight, maybe the mall wasn't the perfect place because as soon as I got to the spot where I planned to writer, I came across a store closing sign outside of Waldenbooks. No brainer--I had to go in. But, long story short, I didn't do too much damage to my pockets--6 books for the price of 1. And two of those books were reference books and four were for my son. Not bad, right? Anyway, after that brief distraction, I did manage to get some writing done. I made a little bit of headway with a short story I started a few weeks ago.
I also had an opportunity to bounce a few ideas off of one of my writing buddies who, later, met me at my new writing place. Another positive outcome of my writing session was the opportunity to promote my book--Unfinshed Business--to a woman who just happened to be seated next to me. She saw my notebook and the books that I had just purchased sprawled across the table and inquired if I was a student. Somehow or another she mentioned that she loved to read so, OF COURSE, I jumped at the chance to tell her about my book. Although she didn't buy a copy, she did offer to tell a PR friend of hers about me so that they could possibly assist me with promotion! Sometimes you have to be in the right place at the right time.
Til Next time...L.A.
I'm nearly finished with my holiday reading. Only a few more short chapters to go in the Mary Higgins Clark/Carol Higgins Clark holiday mystery book I started the week before Christmas--I just can't read as fast as I used to :(
Anyway, today is a day for writing. It's also the day for the monthly networking with members of my writers group, Motown Writers Network. Since joining the group five years ago, I have always made a point to make it to the first meeting of year--didn't do so good with the rest of the year, but I always started out on the right track. This year, I wanted to do something different. Rather than spending three hours away from my kids sharing with others how I planned to accomplish my writing goals for the year--discussing writing goals is always the subject of the 1st meeting of the year--I decided it was more important to actually DO something in preparation of reaching my goals.
Therefore, on this 2nd Saturday of January, I found a quiet place away from the house, away from my wonderful children, away from general distractions, or so I thought. In hindsight, maybe the mall wasn't the perfect place because as soon as I got to the spot where I planned to writer, I came across a store closing sign outside of Waldenbooks. No brainer--I had to go in. But, long story short, I didn't do too much damage to my pockets--6 books for the price of 1. And two of those books were reference books and four were for my son. Not bad, right? Anyway, after that brief distraction, I did manage to get some writing done. I made a little bit of headway with a short story I started a few weeks ago.
I also had an opportunity to bounce a few ideas off of one of my writing buddies who, later, met me at my new writing place. Another positive outcome of my writing session was the opportunity to promote my book--Unfinshed Business--to a woman who just happened to be seated next to me. She saw my notebook and the books that I had just purchased sprawled across the table and inquired if I was a student. Somehow or another she mentioned that she loved to read so, OF COURSE, I jumped at the chance to tell her about my book. Although she didn't buy a copy, she did offer to tell a PR friend of hers about me so that they could possibly assist me with promotion! Sometimes you have to be in the right place at the right time.
Til Next time...L.A.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Book Heaven
Yes, I'm temporarily back to my roots--reading. Finally, things have slowed down enough for me to spend some time doing what I love. And I didn't even have to visit a library or a book store--I had plenty to choose from in my private library. As an author (Wow, I'm so glad I can say that now!), I used to feel guilty about taking time out to read because I was feeling like I should've been spending that time writing something. But NOT this time. Everybody needs a break, even from doing what they love, and this is my break. Besides, good writers need to keep reading.
Since I have so many to choose from, I decided to do something I've never done before--read multiple books simultaneously. Sort of. LOL! I've got a Patricia Cornwell audio book playing in my car, a paperback Heather Graham novel that a lunchroom attendant at my job loaned me several months ago, and a Mary Higgins Clark holiday mystery novel that I picked up just in time for the holiday season.
Believe it or not, it's working quite well. One of my book reading partners does this all the time and I just couldn't fathom how she did this without getting the storylines jumbled in her head, but it's quite easy!
Anyway, I'm enjoying this time while I have it because come the new year, it'll be time to move full speed ahead with busy book promoting (Unfinished Business) and writing my second novel, Reconciliation to Hell.
Since I have so many to choose from, I decided to do something I've never done before--read multiple books simultaneously. Sort of. LOL! I've got a Patricia Cornwell audio book playing in my car, a paperback Heather Graham novel that a lunchroom attendant at my job loaned me several months ago, and a Mary Higgins Clark holiday mystery novel that I picked up just in time for the holiday season.
Believe it or not, it's working quite well. One of my book reading partners does this all the time and I just couldn't fathom how she did this without getting the storylines jumbled in her head, but it's quite easy!
Anyway, I'm enjoying this time while I have it because come the new year, it'll be time to move full speed ahead with busy book promoting (Unfinished Business) and writing my second novel, Reconciliation to Hell.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Books, Books, & More Books
All I want to know is why are there never any books written by any of my favorite African American authors on the doggone "Bargain Books" table at any of the bookstores that I frequent! Don't get me wrong, I love Patricia Cornwell, James Patterson, Janet Evanovich, Michael Connelly, and the like, BUT, what about Kimberla Lawson-Roby, Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant, Beverly Jenkins, Brenda Jackson--to name the few that pop out of my head. I'd love to buy one of their books for $5 or $6 bucks! I'm just wondering who makes the call--the bookstore or the publisher--not that I have a problem supporting my favorite African American authors at full price.
Anyway, I had NO business buying books on a trip to Borders for my daughter. She's the one who needed a book for school, but who was I kidding? There was no way I was going to step one foot in the book store and NOT buy something for myself! I already knew what I wanted--Kimberla Lawson-Roby's recent novel, "The Best of Everything", but it wasn't available. During my search for that one, I came across another favorite African American author(s)--the writing duo Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant! The book--"What Doesn't Kill You"--was a MUST HAVE and worth every bit of the $24.95 that I paid for it! All of my REAL book lovers understand completely. Some books you can check out from the library, BUT some you MUST OWN!
The BIG question is how am I going to fit this book in with the other 5 or 6 books that I have waiting on me to read AND the ones I'm in the process of writing. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to get it done! Just stay tuned!
T.T.Y.L...L.A. Jefferson :)
Anyway, I had NO business buying books on a trip to Borders for my daughter. She's the one who needed a book for school, but who was I kidding? There was no way I was going to step one foot in the book store and NOT buy something for myself! I already knew what I wanted--Kimberla Lawson-Roby's recent novel, "The Best of Everything", but it wasn't available. During my search for that one, I came across another favorite African American author(s)--the writing duo Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant! The book--"What Doesn't Kill You"--was a MUST HAVE and worth every bit of the $24.95 that I paid for it! All of my REAL book lovers understand completely. Some books you can check out from the library, BUT some you MUST OWN!
The BIG question is how am I going to fit this book in with the other 5 or 6 books that I have waiting on me to read AND the ones I'm in the process of writing. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to get it done! Just stay tuned!
T.T.Y.L...L.A. Jefferson :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
What's Going On
Okay, so L.A. is no longer hosting the blogtalk radio show. Summer is over and school is back in session. So, what is L.A. doing now?
Here it is. L.A. is in the final stages of planning the official release party of Unfinished Business. The party is scheduled for Friday, October 16, tentatively at Hoots on the Ave on Michigan Ave in Detroit. It's going to be a combination birthday/book release party as L.A.'s birthday is October 15th, so it should be a good time.
A couple of writing projects are in the works: one short story under the premise of "Women Gone Wild". The expectation is for the book to be a compilation of 3 or more stories. I may even invite other authors to submit stories. Anyway, the first story is about Jasmine, a plus-sized woman who embarks on a weight loss plan to spark interest from her husband who she assumes has lost interest in her when she stumbles across his secret collection of porn videos. Ironically, as she begins to lose weight, her husband becomes angrier and more distant. One day at the gym, Jasmine is approached by one of the male members who tells her how sexy her thick body is. He invites her to his entertainment establishment, which she assumes is a night club, but when she and her friend visit, it's actually a strip club that specializes in the "thick" dancer. Jasmine is appalled that he invited her there and even more so when he suggests that she become one of his dancers! Stay tuned for what trouble Jasmine finds herself in by the time this story ends.
Project #2 is a fiction novel, loosely based on actual events. What happens when two people, who probably shouldn't have ever gotten married a first time, marry a second time for all of the wrong reasons? A Reconcilliation to Hell. This is the story of Paula. She secretly remarries her ex-husband, Chris, after years of his pressing her to reconcile. Paula foolishly believes, that although Chris was never the man of her dreams and she never believed they were compatible, and they had a decent history, shared three children together, and most importantly he'd always been in love with her, that this reconcilliation couldn't go wrong. She had long tired of the "single-mom" dating game and had had her last straw when the last man she dated physically attacked her while her children lay sleeping in their bedrooms. But, boy oh boy, does Chris have a shocker for her. Paula finds out soon after their second "I do" that Chris was nothing like he presented himself to her during their re-courtship. He had become a MAJOR player! You'll have to get the book to find out the hell Paula goes through dealing with the new Chris and becoming a new Paula!
Read the below excerpt of Reconcilliation to Hell.
“Pleeeaassee, don’t do this to me!” I cried out, desperately, falling to my knees, grasping at him in a fleeting attempt to keep the man I loved from walking out of the door. He’d just declared, heartlessly, “There is nothing left between us, Paula…” It wasn’t the first time he said it, but this time his eyes were blood red, his lips curled in a gruesome snarl, exposing brown and yellow stained fangs inside his mouth, like some kind of monster. He stared at her hard, like he was daring her to combat him any further.
Still, I cried a river of tears as he walked out the door, leaving me, the woman he claimed would always be the owner of his heart, on the floor. As soon as the door closed, my children came running from the shadows, tears spilling from their eyes.
“Mommy, he’s gone,” three-year old Nigel cried, climbing on top of me, wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Why don’t we just leave like he wants us to?” Alissa chimed in, bravely fighting back her tears. I sat there broken, bruised, and trying to accept the inevitable defeat that had been hovering over me for the past three years when the strong smell of gasoline entered my nostrils. Hurriedly, I ran to the window, peaking out, only to see Chris proudly standing outside of the house with a lit match just before he dropped it at the beginning of the trail of gasoline leading to the house.
I was stunned immobile. My children were pulling at me, trying to get me to make a move—for my life, for their lives. Just because Chris didn’t want us, didn’t mean I had to give up on everything else. While I was aware of this truth, I couldn’t bring myself to leave. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
The flames engulfed the house quickly, my children and I still inside. It didn’t appear to be any way out. I held my spot on the floor—the children finally gave up their losing battle of getting me to come to my senses. Instinctively, they huddled closer to me, for protection. As it got hotter and hotter, the flames coming closer and closer to us, all I thought about was how my marriage to this man for the second time had come to such a terrifying, seemingly deadly end…
It was always at this point that I awoke from this nightmare that had been haunting me for the past three months. Ever since I called myself making the decision to leave Chris, my husband of only three years. Same as always, I had to flip my pillow on the other side as the side I was sleeping on was so wet from the tears I’d been crying during my sleep as my subconscious mind honed in on the broken woman in the dream.
That woman can’t be me, I thought, unbelievingly, to myself, hugging the pillow close to my naked caramel brown body. But it was. This nightmare wasn’t something that my subconscious was dreaming up. Instead it was a pitiful reminder of what my joke of a marriage had turned me into—a groveling wife, desperate to keep her family together for the sake of her children and secretly trying to keep from looking like a damn fool for remarrying the same man she’d divorced over five years before.
I entered this second marriage a strong, confident, secure woman. There was no doubt that Chris loved me and he would never hurt me. Ironically, the only thing I did doubt was whether or not I’d be happy with him.
So how in the hell had things turned so upside down? How was it that I was the one begging him to stay with me?
That’s where Ms. Sheridan comes into the picture. She’s the therapist, by referral through my company’s Employee Assistance Program, I’ve been seeing for the last six weeks. Today marks my third session with her.
Here it is. L.A. is in the final stages of planning the official release party of Unfinished Business. The party is scheduled for Friday, October 16, tentatively at Hoots on the Ave on Michigan Ave in Detroit. It's going to be a combination birthday/book release party as L.A.'s birthday is October 15th, so it should be a good time.
A couple of writing projects are in the works: one short story under the premise of "Women Gone Wild". The expectation is for the book to be a compilation of 3 or more stories. I may even invite other authors to submit stories. Anyway, the first story is about Jasmine, a plus-sized woman who embarks on a weight loss plan to spark interest from her husband who she assumes has lost interest in her when she stumbles across his secret collection of porn videos. Ironically, as she begins to lose weight, her husband becomes angrier and more distant. One day at the gym, Jasmine is approached by one of the male members who tells her how sexy her thick body is. He invites her to his entertainment establishment, which she assumes is a night club, but when she and her friend visit, it's actually a strip club that specializes in the "thick" dancer. Jasmine is appalled that he invited her there and even more so when he suggests that she become one of his dancers! Stay tuned for what trouble Jasmine finds herself in by the time this story ends.
Project #2 is a fiction novel, loosely based on actual events. What happens when two people, who probably shouldn't have ever gotten married a first time, marry a second time for all of the wrong reasons? A Reconcilliation to Hell. This is the story of Paula. She secretly remarries her ex-husband, Chris, after years of his pressing her to reconcile. Paula foolishly believes, that although Chris was never the man of her dreams and she never believed they were compatible, and they had a decent history, shared three children together, and most importantly he'd always been in love with her, that this reconcilliation couldn't go wrong. She had long tired of the "single-mom" dating game and had had her last straw when the last man she dated physically attacked her while her children lay sleeping in their bedrooms. But, boy oh boy, does Chris have a shocker for her. Paula finds out soon after their second "I do" that Chris was nothing like he presented himself to her during their re-courtship. He had become a MAJOR player! You'll have to get the book to find out the hell Paula goes through dealing with the new Chris and becoming a new Paula!
Read the below excerpt of Reconcilliation to Hell.
“Pleeeaassee, don’t do this to me!” I cried out, desperately, falling to my knees, grasping at him in a fleeting attempt to keep the man I loved from walking out of the door. He’d just declared, heartlessly, “There is nothing left between us, Paula…” It wasn’t the first time he said it, but this time his eyes were blood red, his lips curled in a gruesome snarl, exposing brown and yellow stained fangs inside his mouth, like some kind of monster. He stared at her hard, like he was daring her to combat him any further.
Still, I cried a river of tears as he walked out the door, leaving me, the woman he claimed would always be the owner of his heart, on the floor. As soon as the door closed, my children came running from the shadows, tears spilling from their eyes.
“Mommy, he’s gone,” three-year old Nigel cried, climbing on top of me, wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Why don’t we just leave like he wants us to?” Alissa chimed in, bravely fighting back her tears. I sat there broken, bruised, and trying to accept the inevitable defeat that had been hovering over me for the past three years when the strong smell of gasoline entered my nostrils. Hurriedly, I ran to the window, peaking out, only to see Chris proudly standing outside of the house with a lit match just before he dropped it at the beginning of the trail of gasoline leading to the house.
I was stunned immobile. My children were pulling at me, trying to get me to make a move—for my life, for their lives. Just because Chris didn’t want us, didn’t mean I had to give up on everything else. While I was aware of this truth, I couldn’t bring myself to leave. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
The flames engulfed the house quickly, my children and I still inside. It didn’t appear to be any way out. I held my spot on the floor—the children finally gave up their losing battle of getting me to come to my senses. Instinctively, they huddled closer to me, for protection. As it got hotter and hotter, the flames coming closer and closer to us, all I thought about was how my marriage to this man for the second time had come to such a terrifying, seemingly deadly end…
It was always at this point that I awoke from this nightmare that had been haunting me for the past three months. Ever since I called myself making the decision to leave Chris, my husband of only three years. Same as always, I had to flip my pillow on the other side as the side I was sleeping on was so wet from the tears I’d been crying during my sleep as my subconscious mind honed in on the broken woman in the dream.
That woman can’t be me, I thought, unbelievingly, to myself, hugging the pillow close to my naked caramel brown body. But it was. This nightmare wasn’t something that my subconscious was dreaming up. Instead it was a pitiful reminder of what my joke of a marriage had turned me into—a groveling wife, desperate to keep her family together for the sake of her children and secretly trying to keep from looking like a damn fool for remarrying the same man she’d divorced over five years before.
I entered this second marriage a strong, confident, secure woman. There was no doubt that Chris loved me and he would never hurt me. Ironically, the only thing I did doubt was whether or not I’d be happy with him.
So how in the hell had things turned so upside down? How was it that I was the one begging him to stay with me?
That’s where Ms. Sheridan comes into the picture. She’s the therapist, by referral through my company’s Employee Assistance Program, I’ve been seeing for the last six weeks. Today marks my third session with her.
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